It has been particularly tough to get the Goddess to post
this year’s sojourn. She never liked me traveling while she escaped the harsh
winter’s of upstate New York for the shark
infested waters of Hawaii.
She doesn’t swim in the ocean so I have never understood why she must travel
5000 miles to swim in a pool when there is a perfectly fine one five miles down
the road at the YMCA. But never mind that.
She leaves me every winter. Why should I stick around with
the OLD MAN and Phoenix? This year I planned to join the US Bobsled
Team in Sochi because I actually know a young
man who participated on the US
team. Except the US
didn’t qualify three sleds in the Olympics so he didn’t qualify to
participate. I was bummed. Goddess thought I should pass on the games because
of this and because of well….being in Russia and everything about the
security of the place. But you know me.
I was to travel with the bobsled team, but with my friend
not going, I took @lucky_GSD’s (Ms Lucky) offer to fly on a private jet. I was
a bit apprehensive. I’m not a flier, preferring trains, but the logistics of
train travel obviously doesn’t work when going from the US to Russia.
We left right after the Denver Broncos got creamed in the
SuperBowl. (And The Donald and I closed a real estate deal in Jersey).
I like cream, but this was awful. You
see, the Goddess has followed Peyton Manning since his Tennessee days. As for me…I’m from Tennessee and I bleed
orange especially when it comes to Women’s Basketball. But since there was nothing to celebrate after
the SuperBowl we took off from Tetersboro
Airport on an over night flight to Iceland.
Yepper, Iceland. I’m not sure why, but I
think it was to stock up on crab. Oh yeah, maybe to refuel the jet too. I spent my day trying to pronounce Eyjafjallajökull.
Ms Lucky insisted on bringing this huge mysterious bag
onboard the plane. Hey, it was her jet so how could I oppose the cargo? Little
did I know she was preparing to remodel the hotel room. She thought our accommodations
would not be up to par. How she knew that electrical boxes were in the shower
and the toilets are …um two seaters? (Not
that we cared.) Anyway, the concrete cutter came in real handy.
She was looking for a perfect disguise so she would not be
picked up as a stray dog. You know Canadian tags don’t count in Sochi. So for the first
couple of days we became undercover construction workers. We milled through the
tourist and athletes for a couple of days but once the hotel guests discovered
their accommodations were not quite first world standard, we started to catch
some heat from the not-so-happy campers. No matter, by then we are hanging around the
Japanese Olympic TUNA bar. Those guys know sushi.
The hotel guests needed to chill their attitudes about the accommodations,
so nothing like scoring some vodka and having a few rounds of fun to boot. Before
the Opening Ceremony could commence I had a Quasi Bobsled Team formed. Actually,
it involved a luggage cart on the fourth floor. Hotel management didn’t like
the race through the lobby but all was made right when we let them in on the
vodka stash. Bribes and vodka go far in Russia.
But it might have been a little over the top when I reenacted
last year’s Iditarod Race with the laundry carts and the housekeeping staff. It
was kind of a salute to my partner in the race @rosieandcheeto’s Woofie
Monster. He went over the Rainbow
Bridge last fall so we
were glad he lived his dream. Rest in
Peace, friend.
Hopefully, I can get Goddess to post more often. I hear she
is actually working two jobs in Hawaii.
Sucker.
Meanwhile, Let’s see who I can photobomb! And then there is
the official Putin portrait.
